Limited Sanity
by Whackjop
Summary: A look at Snape's life as his mind falls apart.


Just something that's been sitting at the back of my mind since I read the HP OotP while watching Donnie Darko. Dangerous combo, I don't suggest you try it. It's about Snape because he's the coolest person in the whole series, with a little Remus in there too. And Sev will probably be oc, since I based the way he's going to act on Gothica. / Spanish Summary for Chap.1 :Dumbledore looks into his penisive and sees a trial he wishes he could forget...  
  
A seventeen year old boy sat at the stands, dark hair half hiding his face. He refused to look up when he spoke, but everyone could hear him in a whisper. Mr Crouch glared at the boy and yelled in a booming voice.  
"Is it true you brutally murdered your father with a switchblade?!" He roared.  
"Yes." Came the all too calm answer. Dumbledore winced in fear for the teen. He would be sent to Azcaban for sure now, it was only the time that Crouch had to decide.  
"Why?!"  
"Because I had to."  
"Why did you need to kill him?!"  
"Because he killed my mother and my half brother."  
Crouch went red in the face. "Your mother died in a fall and your brother killed himself . Your father did not cause their deaths in any way!"  
The boy snickered quietly from behind his hair. "How would you know? Were you there when my mother fell? I remember my brother's death, Mr Crouch, I was there. Don't you remember the reports? That his little half brother was found next to the body? Do not just assume things because of the circumstances when you really have no idea." He said in a soft, chilling voice that made the witch closest to him shiver.  
"You will need a better excuse than that, sir, if you wish to get out of the Dementors grasp..." Crouch boomed, but the teen interrupted with the same, calm voice.  
" I don't want to deny I killed him while he was defenceless Mr Crouch, but I did have another reason."  
"Oh?! And what reason would that be?!"  
Only when the echoes of Crouch's yell had faded away did the boy answer.  
"Because he's already killed me." He whispered.  
The whole court was silent for a minute before Crouch broke the silence, his voice cold as steel.  
"You boy, unfortunately, are very much alive. Because of your age I cannot send you too Azcaban for a life sentence, but you will be there for six years without parole if found guilty. Do you understand?!"  
"Of corse I understand sir. You were speaking English the last time I checked."  
"Don't be smart with me boy!"Crouch roared furiously. "Tell me, what did you think killing your father would accomplish?!"  
/I did it so that they would be safe. I promised him that I would be the one who killed him...He didn't believe me. / The teen muttered under his breath before answering. "I did it because he deserved to die like that, writhing in his bed." A strange, insane smile came to his face and he looked up at them for the first time. "And I'm not sorry. I loved the feel of his blood on my hands."  
"The verdict?" Crouch asked, disgusted. "Innocent?"  
No hands were raised.  
"Well, I'll see you on my next visit to Azcaban, Mr Snape." Crouch waved the Dementors over, who marched the teen out of the room. Severus flashed another insane smile to Dumbledore before he was pulled out.  
The old wizard pulled out of the memory and sighed softly. Severus had served all six years at Azcaban for his crime and had then joined the death eaters. Later he had come back to Dumbledore and agreed to be his spy. He didn't want to relive that, but he knew he had too. He looked back into the penisive to see, sure enough, himself sitting at his desk with Severus standing on the other side, shaking slightly.  
"You wanted to speak with me, Severus?" He said calmly. Severus looked up at him in confusion for a minute.  
"W,what? Sorry, I...I mean yes sir. That's why I...c, came here." He said quickly./Don't freak out. Don't panic/  
"I'm afraid I don't speak Spanish Severus." Dumbledore said with a smile. Snape stopped muttering and glared at him.  
"Of corse...I...I heard you were...fighting the...The Dark Lord."He said softly.  
"Yes."  
"I have some information for you. A raid on the ministry, happening in two weeks. I thought you'd want to know about it."Snape said slowly, as though something was holding him back. "They're looking for some illegal animals to use for certain things they don't want you to find. To guard them."  
"And why should I believe you?" Dumbledore raised an eyebrow in question.  
"What've I ever done to hurt you?" Severus said unsurely.  
"A good point. But what do you want in return?"  
"I want...I want to join you."  
"Why?"  
"Because...because I...I had to kill a muggle child...a child..." Snape whispered. He put his face in his hands and tried to keep calm, but it didn't work. His breathing had sped up and his shaking increased.  
"Tell me what happened." Dumbledore said softly.  
"You don't want to know."  
"Yes I do. Tell me."  
"There...this family of muggles, the dark one wanted them dead. Me and two others, we were sent to do it. I didn't mind killing the older ones, but, there was a little girl. She was five...maybe six...I found her. I told her not to scream or the others would find her..."His voice cracked, but he kept speaking."...But she didn't listen...I tried to stop her, I really tried...but she kept on yelling and crying and calling her parents...one of the others, he came up and found her. He said 'Kill it so we can leave.' I said no, that I couldn't, but then...he said he'd tell the dark one I wasn't following orders...I had to kill her."he closed his eyes. "And after that I came here."  
"You came here for help." Dumbledore said softly, knowing that the young man was breaking down. Severus looked up at him, crying.  
"I can't...I...I can't kill anyone else...because they come back..." He rasped helplessly. "I'm truly sorry for what I did...to those innocents...but they come back..." He turned his back on Dumbledore, breathing hard.  
"You can join us Severus. It's all right." Dumbledore assured him. "Do you have a place to stay?"  
"No."  
"Then you can stay here. I'll get Minerva to show you to a spare room when she comes up."  
"Thank you sir."  
"Now you rest a little while I find her." Dumbledore told him, noting the dark circles under his eyes. As he got up and walked around the table he realised that Severus was trying to put as much distance between himself and the older wizard. He ignored it and went out to find Minerva. He found her teaching and poked his head into the classroom.  
"Could I borrow you for a second Professor?" He said happily. Minerva nodded and came out.  
"Iknow you won't like this Minerva, but Severus Snape is in the castle." He told her quickly.  
"But Albus...He's a murderer Albus!" She hissed back.  
"I'm aware of that, but he's given himself up. He's broken. The only one he's a danger to now is himself. I've spoken to him..."  
"I will not put the students in danger like this Albus!"  
"He's crying Minerva. He never cries, you know that. Not even when Remus almost killed him." Albus said slowly. He stopped and looked at Minerva for a second. "Do you speak Spanish?"  
"What...yes, though I don't see what that has to do with anything."  
"He speaks to himself in Spanish. He did it at his trial and now when he was speaking to me...I just want to know what he's saying."  
"Alright. I'll speak to him after class." Minerva said hesitantly. Dumbledore smilled.  
"Thank you."  
"And don't forget you have to speak to James later."  
"I won't."  
Minerva walked back into the classroom and Dumbledore went back to his office.Severus was still standing, muttering things. He didn't seem to realise he was there.  
"Severus?" Albus asked slowly. Snape just kept muttering. Carefully, Albus put a hand on his shoulder. The young man cried out softly and jerked back, eyes wide.  
"Calm down Severus. Calm down." Dumbledore said quickly. "What's wrong?"  
"What's wrong?" Severus laughed. "What's wrong?!" He looked Albus squarely in the eye. "What's right?" He whispered. Slowly, the laughter desolved into sobs and he turned away from Dumbledore again.  
/You can't hurt me here...I was always safe from you here...just leave me alone, go away...your dead, you can't.../ Severus sobbed to himself.  
"It's all right Severus, you can trust me..." Dumbledore said quietly, and Severus would have half believed him if James hadn't walked into the room.  
  
Ugh, short as all hell. I need a proof reader! WAH! 


End file.
